I'm going to talk about money. I have a major problem. And I'm having an a-ha moment, like Oprah would say. (Aw, Oprah! Miss you!) Anyway. A little background information:
I'm addicted to shopping. The day Confessions of a Shopaholic arrived in the book store, I bought it. I read it in under an hour. I have never before related so closely to a fictional character. I think I may have even cried, reading about someone who was just like me. Another person I closely relate to is Cher from Clueless. I can be very clueless
You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better.
Rebecca Bloomwood said it best. When I go shopping, I get a natural high. I feel happy. My hearts skips a beat. When my arms are heavy from holding pretty shopping bags, I smile. There is something so amazing about new purchases. I love running hands over new clothes hung in my closet, or inhaling that yummy new leather smell in my new pair of shoes.
I don't think of the damage I'm doing, though. How I max out my credit cards time and time again. How I put my family in bad situations because I love to shop. I've been known to hide shopping bags in my car. Or to sneak them in, secretly.
I spend beyond my means. I have expensive taste. Designer purses are my 'thing'. Sunglasses, too. I don't see the price tags when I shop. In fact, I sometimes purposely avoid looking at the price tag, and I sign the dotted line blindly. If something is $199, I round it down to $100. "It was barely a hundred dollars," I'll justify to myself afterwards.
When I lived at home, and even when I was living in D.C., I had a gold AMEX. I had no limit, basically. And my parents would pay for everything. I can't tell you how many times I sat down with my dad to have 'the talk', and how many times I promised that next month, I wouldn't spend so much. Of course, everything changed when I got married. My dad gave me away, I became a married woman, and I had to leave my gold AMEX behind. I still enjoy taking vacatitons with my mom, since she shares this love of shopping with me. For some reason, when we're shopping in another city, or country, it feels like we aren't doing any damage at all!
I have a good job, and I make good money. However, combined with my husband's income, we are still not making enough to support my spending habits. I want it all, I guess. Once my children were born, not only was I shopping for myself, but I was shopping for them, too. Polo, Lacoste, Burberry, Puma's... book cases filled with hundreds of books, expensive German made toys that stimulate a child's imagination, and a garage filled with ride-on cars and bicycles.
I wasn't buying my children's love; I just loved buying things. Aside from reading books together, the quality time I spend with my children doesn't have a price tag on it. It's just my need... desire... to shop.
I had a discussion on Twitter with Ali the other day, about spending habits and budgets, and she blogged about how she put herself on a budget. I need to do this, too. I know it's going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I'm also the most determined person ever when I make up my mind about something. I'm going to do this, because I'm at that point where I have to start making real adult decisions.
I want to take my family on a nice vacation this summer. I want to renovate my kitchen. I want to go to San Diego. I want to be in Florida again this winter. I can't do all this AND continue to spend so frivolously. I need to take action—I need to BUDGET.
I won't make any big promises on my blog, like saying I won't shop until the fall, but I will promise to make necessary changes. Old Navy is my best friend. I will only buy one new pair of shoes this summer. I will be content with the amount of purses I already own. And I won't buy any news books until I'm finished reading the ones that are stacked on my night table.
I'd love to hear from you.
How do you save money? Do you have a budget? Can I do it, too? And how many tears will I shed to reach my desired goal—to have enough money saved to do the important things I want to do?
Sigh. I miss my gold AMEX.
Comments
Believe it or not, I used to be an avid shopper until about a year ago. I liked what being able to shop said about me, especially after growing up poor.
Another important thing to figure out is how you work... for example, some people might need to go cold turkey & just stop spending altogether; some might need to document and keep track of EVERY single purchase they make for accountability; some people might need to figure out a budget and then only buy things with cash. One friend put her credit cards in a tupperware container, filled it with water, and stuck it in the freezer so she wouldn't be tempted to use them but would still have access to them (at least after a few hours for melting time!). So if you try something and it doesn't work, just keep at it, keep trying other things until you figure out what works for you.
It's a major change that you're trying to make and I applaud you for it! It will take some time to change and develop new habits, but it WILL happen if you stick to it. Congratulations!! :)
Well, I had to.
And I did.
It was HARD.
But I did it.
I still love expensive things. But I am learning how to make better choices and be held accountable for every penny I spend, from coffee to purses to coats.
But then, there are those pesky emails from shops that encourage you to buy online. I delete them before I read them and I'm also unsubscribing them so I don't see the temptation.....
Good luck and just think how amazing your new kitchen or vacation will be!
you can do this.
It really will make you feel so excited to realize what you can do when you get it organized!
BTW i know that feeling........I see something I love and I feel like I WILL DIE without it !
Good luck. I know you can do it.
So funny that you mention that Shopaholic book. I read the first one back in my 20s and related to so much of it. Especially the part where she justifies buying a designer scarf she wouldn't normally want because it was a fraction of the cost - and how can you pass up that kind of a sale??? It's like a once in a lifetime opportunity to buy something you wouldn't normally be able to afford. The fact that you may never actually use it? Um...
The a friend of mine who had just finished reading the same book told me that the main character reminded her so much of me when we were roommates. Funny - but also kind of sad. I wasted a lot of money on "stuff" - much of which has long since disappeared into Good Will boxes.
I like to think I'm better now. But sometimes I wonder if I just don't have as much free time...in addition to drastically lowered standards.
I'm an extreme case, but I moved from the "fancy" suburbs where keeping up with the Jones' was the norm, to the "inner city". Let me tell you, when you have neighbors on your block below the poverty level (and all that comes with that), the desire to have the fancy clothes, cars and other stuff just kind of goes away.
I've found that in my life, if I don't surround myself with those temptations, including friends that desire material goods, it's so much easier not to want things that I can't afford or that hold no value other than materialism.
Good luck to you, you will be so happy to have that money in the bank to do other things with, or in savings, for a rainy day.
However, when I was about 18 I found myself in a situation similar to the one you are in (except I didn't have Daddy's Gold AMEX!). I bought, bought, bought...and then I regretted. So I ended up making myself a rule that if I like something and wanted to buy it, I couldn't buy it that day. I had to wait at least 24 hours before I could buy it. Sometimes I went back, but a lot of times I didn't bother.
It really helped me to decipher between the thrill of the buy and things that I really wanted.
I love buying books as well. So, I either go to the library (for new books) or I shop thrift stores (for older books or books for my children). I also buy a lot of games, sporting equipment and play clothes at thrift stores. If I need to buy something, I first decide if I could possibly buy it at a thrift store for a fraction of the cost. If I don't..and need to buy it new...then I save until I have enough for the item. I utilize sales and coupons to make sure I come under budget.
Also, we pay cash for everything. No more credit cards.
My kids do not need fancy, expensive clothing. They are 10 and 2. They don't even care where their clothes come from (yet). I shop sales at Old Navy, Gymboree and The Children's Place when they have huge sales. I create a budget for their clothing and stick to it throughout the year. It's become a challenge to me to find great deals and still come under budget. Make it a game, and it will be easier!
I got myself into a shopping mess when I was in my late teens and the best thing my parents did for me was let me drown in it and climb my way out. Gone were the shopping trips where I would come home with the same shirt in 6 colors, the 5 new pairs of shoes, and accessories to match everything. I would literally be on a high from shopping. I didn't want to live like that, I didn't want to pay interest on clothes that I would wear twice and let sit in my closet, I didn't want to fuck up my credit because of 'stuff'.
If I were you, I'd go on a total spending hiatus for an entire month and see how you do. I mean absolutely nada. You may surprise yourself at how empowered you feel, or you may decide you need some help to continue.
I think it's incredible that you're taking the first step in knowing it is an issue and starting to correct it.
And for me? I freak out if shoes are over $40. Probably the thing I've spent the most on (or my husband has, for me) are handbags because most of the ones I buy are timeless.
Anyway, I don't really have a budget either but I don't buy a lot of expensive things either. I just buy a lot of things. ;)
I hope you can establish a budget that works for you, especially if your "hobby" is affecting all of you in the family. Good luck girl!!
I mean REALLY struggle. We're still not back to where we were.
I found that I loved experiences and time with family more than things, and while I do like things, I find it hard to justify the amount of time I have to work to pay for them. We found lots of things to do for cheap or almost free. My son doesn't care about designer clothes (and neither do I), and while I have some nice things, I keep them to the things I really LOVE and only a few.
All I really need is my family together and happy.
As for the kids, seriously, do they really need $120 Burberry shirts? They'll probably stain them with grape juice and off with those shirts! Put them in Old Navy and be done with it.
You have to ask yourself, though, why you feel the need to own the designer stuff. Because, personally, I think you could rock Winners just as well as you could rock Chanel. You always look amazing and put-together.
And, as a lot of the others said, think about all the other things you could do instead - redoing your kitchen, having amazing family vacations, creating memories...
You can do it! I'm so proud of you for even blogging about it! xo
Also? I do everything in cash. (Extras, groceries, eating out and fun stuff.) Truly. For me it helped me know exactly what I was spending. I made a budget and gave myself shopping money...however when it's gone it's gone. That included Starbucks.
It was hard to start, but I'd gotten divorced and was still spending like I had two incomes coming in. Took a few months to get the hang of it. Then I started cutting out more stuff (Starbucks, eating out) and started saving even more money. It means vacations. It means not freaking if my car needs work. It means, I have money in savings.
You can do it. But be realistic. Start with a budget and figure out what is left after all major bills. Don't cut it all out right off, or you won't stick to it. Baby steps.
These days, I'm trying my very hardest to save all the money I'm making over the summer. This may not be the best advice, but every time I want to go to the mall, instead I go to the gym or on a run around the neighborhood. I'm already in better shape, as I've wanted to shop every damn day!
Then something changed, I realized I was trying to fill a void with stuff. It didn't happen over night, I don't budget my money, but I took a huge step back. Now, I go for a hike or walk to fill the void. I stopped buying books (only read from library, which sometimes means waiting for a book I really want). I go to Target with a list of necessities and only buy what's on the list (GASP).
We live on one income and moved into a more expensive home in December. I've decided the beauty of my new surroundings is more important to me than all the stuff. Now there are things I desperately want for my house (like you a remodeled kitchen) and I am saving ever $ I earn in a special account to help contribute to that goal for my family.
I still love nice things, mainly it's window shopping, but you'll be surprised because you are ready how you can change your habits. Good luck, keep us posted.
I'll be on a serious budget starting next month when Matt comes back from Iraq and our income is drastically reduced. Well that, and buying a house. We only have 1 credit card and pay it off every month ... but I know that even that will be a stretch soon too.
Best of luck to you! I love retail therapy - especially shoes and jewelry. But I agree - feeling good about my bank account will by far feel better than the guilty feeling of seeing pretty shoes that I know I can't afford...
Sure, I like to buy things, but he REALLY does. He rounds down, or even worse, doesn't even look at price tags. I'll buy a few really expensive things a year, but I don't get off on it like he does.
I, do however, have a secret account with around $500 just in case. :)
One idea is to give yourself a spending limit each month. I don't think it's wise to completely cut it out altogether, because that will just result in you feeling deprived and resentful. If you have a monthly spending limit, you'll still be able to spoil yourself, but without going overboard.
Good luck - I look forward to hearing about how you get on!
I love this post - so forthcoming and though I may not help you with setting up a budget, I wish you all the luck!
p.s. Such a pleasure to meet you Mrs. L!
besos,
ML
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Twenty York Street
Twenty York Street
I guess I get my high from bargain shopping. I grew up going to outlets & places like Loehmann's w/ my mom, so I learned to bargain hunt. I also had a clothing allowance & a job at 15. I'm telling you, when you pay for your own stuff, you're MUCH more careful & want to stretch a buck as far as you can.
My only tip is to stay away from the shops as much as possible. Don't put yourself in temptation's way. Good luck!
Shopping DOES make me happy. I don't know how it works that way but it does, and there is no denying it. Even a small purchase of a new lipgloss can make me feel wonderful.
But, I do budget, and I also do things like list old books on half.com and consider buying used ones on there before even stepping foot into the store for a new one.