It's challenging being a parent. Everyday we are put to the test. Sometimes we fail, sometimes we soar. I believe that the decisions we make, for the most part, are the right ones. For our children and for ourselves.
I like to think that I'm a good mom to my boys. They are my entire life, after all. I love them with every single cell in my body. And there is nothing I wouldn't do for them.
My job as my children's mother is to protect them, love them, teach them, support them, push them in the right direction, and comfort them, while sometimes taking them out of their comfort zone.
My oldest child is shy in new surroundings. Once he gets comfortable, he does okay, but it can sometimes take a while. He is my sensitive child, my thinker, my learner. I believe he suffers from some social anxiety in certain situations.
Sometimes, I have to help push him out of his comfort zone, even if he resists—for instance, when we signed him up for swimming lessons over a year ago, it was non-negotiable—he was going to go. After a few minutes of crying in the water, he started enjoyed himself. It was hard seeing him sad at first, but the benefits of him learning to swim far outweighed me just giving in and taking him home over a few tears.
When he was recently invited to a birthday party that took place somewhere public (not in a home) my son begged me to stay with him.
"Please don't go, mommy, stay with me!" he cried to me, his cheeks scarlet red. He was clinging tightly to my arm.
I could tell right away that things weren't going to get easier for him after just a few minutes. It wasn't the birthday party of a close friend, so I decided I would stay with my son. There were about 8 children at the party, and I was the only other parent there. It didn't even cross my mind that it was weird that I stayed. The parents of the birthday child were friendly, and we had a nice time.
Well. Overheard outside my son's school this week:
Mom 1: "You mean she stayed the entire time?"
Mom 2: "Yes! He wouldn't let her leave!"
Luckily it wasn't me who overheard that conversation, otherwise, I would have said a few things I might later have regretted. My mom actually heard that conversation, and basically said, "Yes, my grandson is shy. He wanted his mother to stay."
Mom 2: "Oh, yeah, we were just talking about the fact that he's shy."
Are you kidding me? Is it that weird that I stayed at a birthday party with my son who is only 5 years old? Somewhere public? I honestly do not think so. I remember parents always stayed at my parties when I was younger.
First of all, it's a big help, having another adult present. I can take my son to the bathroom, I can re-fill his cup of juice, I can help clean up. A room full of rambunctious 5 year olds can be very distracting. Of course I'm going to stay to make sure my child is okay.
If he was celebrating his best friend's or cousin's birthday, I'd leave, no problem, if he wanted me to. But right now? If my son needs me to comfort him, to help him? I'm not leaving his side. I'll stay by his side for as long as he needs me to. I'm his mother, and it's my job. And I love it.
What about you? What are your thoughts about this? Do you leave your child no matter what, or stay? Is there a certain age where you think your children should be left alone at a party, no matter what? I'd love to hear from you!
I like to think that I'm a good mom to my boys. They are my entire life, after all. I love them with every single cell in my body. And there is nothing I wouldn't do for them.
My job as my children's mother is to protect them, love them, teach them, support them, push them in the right direction, and comfort them, while sometimes taking them out of their comfort zone.
My oldest child is shy in new surroundings. Once he gets comfortable, he does okay, but it can sometimes take a while. He is my sensitive child, my thinker, my learner. I believe he suffers from some social anxiety in certain situations.
Sometimes, I have to help push him out of his comfort zone, even if he resists—for instance, when we signed him up for swimming lessons over a year ago, it was non-negotiable—he was going to go. After a few minutes of crying in the water, he started enjoyed himself. It was hard seeing him sad at first, but the benefits of him learning to swim far outweighed me just giving in and taking him home over a few tears.
When he was recently invited to a birthday party that took place somewhere public (not in a home) my son begged me to stay with him.
"Please don't go, mommy, stay with me!" he cried to me, his cheeks scarlet red. He was clinging tightly to my arm.
I could tell right away that things weren't going to get easier for him after just a few minutes. It wasn't the birthday party of a close friend, so I decided I would stay with my son. There were about 8 children at the party, and I was the only other parent there. It didn't even cross my mind that it was weird that I stayed. The parents of the birthday child were friendly, and we had a nice time.
Well. Overheard outside my son's school this week:
Mom 1: "You mean she stayed the entire time?"
Mom 2: "Yes! He wouldn't let her leave!"
Luckily it wasn't me who overheard that conversation, otherwise, I would have said a few things I might later have regretted. My mom actually heard that conversation, and basically said, "Yes, my grandson is shy. He wanted his mother to stay."
Mom 2: "Oh, yeah, we were just talking about the fact that he's shy."
Are you kidding me? Is it that weird that I stayed at a birthday party with my son who is only 5 years old? Somewhere public? I honestly do not think so. I remember parents always stayed at my parties when I was younger.
First of all, it's a big help, having another adult present. I can take my son to the bathroom, I can re-fill his cup of juice, I can help clean up. A room full of rambunctious 5 year olds can be very distracting. Of course I'm going to stay to make sure my child is okay.
If he was celebrating his best friend's or cousin's birthday, I'd leave, no problem, if he wanted me to. But right now? If my son needs me to comfort him, to help him? I'm not leaving his side. I'll stay by his side for as long as he needs me to. I'm his mother, and it's my job. And I love it.
What about you? What are your thoughts about this? Do you leave your child no matter what, or stay? Is there a certain age where you think your children should be left alone at a party, no matter what? I'd love to hear from you!
Comments
I'm a big believer in doing what works for you - let them judge if they want, who cares? At the end of the day you know you did the right thing for you and your son, and that's what's important here.
I personally think it's disrespectful, as a parent, to leave if your child truly wants and feels they need you to be there. I want my children to treat me with respect and so I offer respect to them in kind.
Children are all different and they all have different needs. I do not think it is unusual to stay at a party aat age 5. It is far more odd at age 6 however unless you actually are friends with the family. That said, a child who suffers from social anxiety should probably start choosing which parties he attends. So if he was not that close to teh birthday child he probably doesn;t need to attend anyway. Allowing him to attend parties of only his closest friends will help him cope with his anxieties much better. Negociating before hand to stay for say 15 minutes would probably be a successful compromise if he was in fact comfortable with the friend you were leaving him with.
Most parents do not expect the parents to stay because parties are expensive and if all these adults are staying the host starts to feel obligated to feed and cater to all these parents. A party of 10 kids could soon be up to 35-40 people. Some people also just dont have the space.
I think it's very petty to judge a parent who chooses to stay in the school yard like that. These are supposed to be mothers not children.
From personal experience aas a mom, I have only taken my kids to parties where I was comfortable staying when they were small. My oldest is now 7 and we always drop him off unless it's a friend of mine or family. Being away from them gives them a chance to discover their world in a different way. It's a learning experience in independance and it is so very important. The transition should be gradual and practiced in the company of close friends.
Typically everyone just drops the kids off. I have had a mother or two, in the last eights years of bday parties, stay. Because she wanted too. Which is fine.
You do what you feel is right. Don't let them make you feel otherwise.
On the other hand my son who did not appear to be in the least bit shy would have a meltdown when I tried to leave him. So I would either stay the entire time or until he felt comfortable. He just turned 8 and sometimes in certain situations he still needs to know I'm around to feel comfortable. He has no problem at parties but other times he just needs his mom to hang around a while. So I will.
But, even if that is not the "standard" where you live I see NOTHING wrong with you staying with your son. Poo poo on those women. Geez.
And, a 5 year old? Nope, I don't think that's a drop off party..is it? Because, seriously? My kids are going to have to push me out the door if that's the case.
Why are moms so judgmental? Ugh.
You did the right thing, Mama. You were there for your child, and he'll remember that, appreciate it, and be an awesome parent to his own kids someday.
xo
I say screw the other ladies - you have to do what's right for you!
I think I did the right thing but the other moms definitely thought it was very weird that I stayed. I think I made the parents at the party very uncomfortable. He's never been invited back to that house!
I think you did the right thing too...but there's maybe no escaping the gossip that follows.
My daughter is just like you described and I expect we're going to face challenges like this. I would rather she feel comfortable with me close by...than upset and traumatized because I left her.
You did the right thing Mama!
I'm all about dropping Lily and running- that's what she wants. But, if she didn't, or if my boys don't? Hell no, I won't go. Fuck those bitches- who are they to judge? Your kid, your call. Period.
XOXOXO