Monday, February 14, 2011


I don't have pet peeves; I have major psychotic f*cking hatreds.

(George Carlin)

Everyday, without fail, something will annoy me. I used to get really passionate about the things that annoyed me, (mostly politics) but a strange thing happened when I became a mom—certain things didn't bother me as much as they used to. I had bigger issues to deal with, like getting used to sleeping less than five hours a night.

However, I still have an extensive list of things that annoy me, and as my children get older, my list seems to grow, too!


People who drive too slow.

People who drive too fast when it's snowing or raining.

People in mini-vans who think they're driving a Porsche 911.

Having to pay 5 cents for every plastic bag I need when I'm grocery shopping. Almost every store I go to is doing this now, and when I have two kids with me, and 50 items I just spent $250 dollars on, YES, I DO need some bags. Plus, I USE these plastic bags, so get off my case and stop ripping me off!

Parents who think they're superior and who think other parenting methods are wrong.

Parents who have too many rules for their children—in the end, your child is just as bratty as any other child. They'll still keep making the same mistakes, even if you give them a 3-2-1 countdown to stop their 'bad' behaviour, which, by way, isn't all that bad, it's just a kid being a kid.

Drivers who come to a complete stop before proceeding over speed bumps in parking garages. If my looks could kill, these cars would self implode.

People who walk way too slowly going down flight after flight of stairs during a fire alarm. Cut the small talk, and get the hell out of this potentially burning buildng, damn it!

People who think the BlackBerry is better than the iPhone. Some of my best friends still use the BlackBerry, and I don't understand how they can't see how much cooler the iPhone is. Sorry BB users! This doesn't mean we still can't be friends!

Whiny children. Mine included.

Children who say "Mine! Mine! Mine!" when my children attempt to play with their toys. My boys share all their belongings, and it makes me wish they could unlearn this niceness!

People who don't tolerate little children.

People who LOVE winter. I understand that sometimes it's fun to go skiing, or skating, or to build snowmen with your children. But to LOVE winter? Clearly, you're from another planet, because humans are not MEANT to live in arctic cold climates. We are made to walk around naked (think back to the original humans; they weren't wearing Canada Goose coats!) Having to put on 17 layers of clothes before going outside in order to NOT DIE is NOT NORMAL. Snow angels? Pfft. My baby was making sand angels in Florida.

Although I make plenty of grammar errors, I can't stand it when people spell 'your' and 'you're' wrong. It's time to learn, folks—you're not adding any new friends to your social circle if you continue to make this mistake! Also: 'There', 'Their', and 'They're'. I think we learned this simple grammar rule in um... grade five.

Moving on...

People who considers their pet their child, or compare their dog to a baby in a conversation.


"Baby Alexander kept me up all night— he was so sick, my poor child! I hope he doesn't have bronchitis."

"Oh, I know what you mean, my little Rufus was barking all night, I think he is coming down with something."

SHUT IT. Babies and dogs are NOT equal.

People who don't read books. I don't get it. I just don't get it.

People who only watch Friends re-runs, and don't like Grey's Anatomy, Gossip Girl, or Glee. Especially Glee. (I'm looking at you, sister.)

Brad from The Bachelor. This dude is a dud. How can so many hot women LOVE this guy?

Michelle from The Bachelor. Actually, wait—she's totally entertaining and I like her determination to win his love, as psychotic as she sounds. She's a go-getter, that one. And plus, I'm sorry, she's so hot.

Snooki from Jersey Shore. She sounds like a Gremlin, and she's SO unattractive. Even with a make-over, she'd always look like an over-processed old lady. The fact that she has a published book that I'm sure she didn't even write makes me angry. I bet she spells 'your' and 'you're' wrong, too!

The fact that Eminem didn't win Album of the Year at the Grammy Awards. WHAT? At least he won Rap Album of the Year. He's amazing.

People who bite down on their fork.

People why are mean.

Stepping in wet snow as soon as you take your boots off. Most annoying thing ever!

What are the things that completely annoy you?


SC said...

This post has gone really well with my morning Java! Thanks for the laugh... especially on Brad the Bachelor!!

Hopefully any of these annoyances don't interfere with your (not you're) LOVE day!

Kelly Linhares said...

My biggest annoyance? Retail stickers that don't come off in one smooth piece. I know they exist, so if you don't use them, you're a boob.

AMotherhoodBlog said...

Loved these & I have one to add: people assuming you're a morning person at the bus stop & begin idle chatter we can really do without. If you ask me anything before 8am the answer will be no. ;)

EatPlayLove said...

Oh love you. I am right there with the driving and so many others. I would have to add to the fork one, people who scrape their spoon in a soup or cereal bowl, EVERY SINGLE TIME. Annoying! Another one I would add is people who obsessively watch the bachelor, relying on producers to find the love of your life and edit it all for the most drama, ANNOYING!

Janet said...

My pet peeve is when they open a new checkout line at the grocery store and the people who are behind you in line rush over and get served first. It's not fair. They should always serve the next person in line, not people from the back of the line.

Chantal said...

Wow you thought long and hard about this one! That is quite the list. I think you've got all mine covered :)

Nenette AM said...

Oh, my dear, I love your list, and I think I'm going to have to do a "what annoys me" post too. It's been that kind of Monday. Grrrr...

Anyway, I totally second your grammar errors one, the one about whiny kids, the Glee one (who doesn't love Glee?!), and totally the one about winter. What is wrong with those people?!


Kate Coveny Hood said...

I have a pretty high tolerance for people. So I have no patience for intolerance. You never know what someone's story may be - find out before judging!

Excellent list.

Vicki said...

Love this list. Thanks for the snark on VDAy.

Brittany at Mommy Words said...

Oh don;t judge us. I have a blackberry because I am not allowed to replace a perfectly good smart phone just because I want Instragram so badly it hurts. I even tried to re-institute Valentine's day as a holiday to get one now that Verizon has them. It did not least not yet.

I'm with Kelly on the retail thing. Plastic packages that require a saw to open. They make me want to drive over the package with my minivan, which I drive at the speed limit and never would think I am in a Porsche.

And yes, Snooki is so baffling there are no words.

Thanks for the laugh love!

Mommyfriend Lori said...

OK, you crawled inside my head. I agree with this post 1,000%!

Alicia xoxxo said...

Great post! We must be twins separated at birth! This could be my list!!
Happy Valentine's Day!

Lady Mama said...

All of the above I think, except the winter thing, because I love winter - everything about it, the snow, the slush on my clothes, the cold, the freezing nose hairs - it's the best. Okay not really - I hate winter, and all those other things you mentioned too - especially people who talk about their pets as though they were kids. That one made me laugh out loud - thanks for that.

blueviolet said...

I'm with you about Brad. Could he possibly have any less of a personality?

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

I can't even handle the Bachelor at all. I think I'm getting old. Eek!

The grammar errors pick me. There is one blog I read that CONSTANTLY misuses your and you're. I might have to stop reading her actually.

Nicole Feliciano said...

Great list. I have a deep dislike of the word "like" used as a space filler in conversation.

Ugly shoes.

Grey snow in NYC.

Those moms with "perfect" kids.

Heather said...

I totally agree about the iPhone and I have never heard of getting charged for grocery bags. I actually specifically shop at 2 stores because one has bags I like to use for my recycling and one has bags that fit my bathroom trash bin perfectly.

The traffic thing that makes my head want to explode? Round abouts. They are putting them all over Southern California. I love the idea of yielding and not stopping and keeping the flow of traffic. But no one know how to use them. I can't even tell you how many times I've almost gotten creamed or almost smashed into someone that didn't go when they had the right away. They KILL ME, like hanging out my window screaming and shaking an angry fist kill me.

Sarah at The Stroller Ballet said...

This is an awesome list!! I agree with so many things you have written, but in particular re: parents who think they are superior and other parenting methods are wrong. It's like stop being judgmental - we're all just trying to do our best!! Sheesh. Oh, and I did find Michelle extremely entertaining!!

Shell said...

Whiny children are so annoying!

Verizon annoys me b/c it has taken them this long to get the iphone. Been stuck w/a bb.

Avitable said...

Mmm, I love Snooki. I'd totally smoosh on her.

ModernMom said...

Girl! This is why I love you. You know I'm not breaking for those speed bumps:)
My Annoyance these days..the idiots that PARK in the drop off only at school. What part of drop off only don't they get? Do they think they score the best parking spot ever EVERY SINGLE DAY!!

MommyLovesStilettos said...

OMG are we related?? We are annoyed by so many of the same things! Except I have to admit, I don't watch Glee - but I will one day! When I have the time. I'm going to buy the first season soon :)

CaraBee said...

My absolute biggest pet peeve? Chewing gum. Or rather, loud chewing and snapping of chewing gum. Holy cheese does it drive me bonkers. If I can hear you masticating on your gum from 20 feet away, then you have no freaking manners.

Issas Crazy World said...

I agree with so many of these.

Also? When you buy clothes and they forget to take of the stupid metal buzzer of death. Especially on kids clothes. (Really Children's Place? Really?) It obviously works so well, since it didn't go off when I left the store.

Stupid people at Starbucks who have to look at the whole menu and then order a hybrid drink that they made up, which takes 15 minutes to finish saying.

People who post links to their own posts on Twitter, every 25 minutes, asking everyone to RT it. If I like something I will say it. If you do that? I unfollow on general principal.

Suzanne said...

I LOVED this post! I had to agree with every single one (especially the winter, driving, and grammatical ones).

One of my biggest pet peeves is when I'm being tailgated (and I'm NOT a slow driver, by any means), and my children are in the car with me. I pray for a red light so I can get out and tear the driver a new one!

Great post, Lou!

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