Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Complete

I feel very blessed being the mother of my two boys.

And I feel like my family is complete, especially when I see my two boys interacting with eachother - when I see Christos trying to teach Dimitry something, or overhearing him say: "No Dimitry, that is not a good toy - it's not made in Germany!"

Moments like that always make me smile. Even seeing them fight over a book or a rock is sometimes funny. I love both of their little personalities.

But then... I see a stroller go by with a baby inside, and all I can think about is how badly I want another baby! If you ask my husband, he will tell you he is absolutely not having another child because he is very happy with his two boys and he would probably tell you that he doesn't think I would be able to handle another child. And he's right, for the most part. Because taking care of two children - two boys - is not an easy job. In fact, it's pretty darn hard. But along with all the hard parts comes the most amazing and rewarding job ever. Worth every pound. I mean, second.

I love the stages that my boys are at now - my oldest son is almost 4 and he's such an independent little guy all of a sudden - going to the washroom alone, washing his hands, putting his plate away after he eats, helping out around the house in any way he knows how - and my baby boy, well, he's almost 16 months old. And he's really laid-back and easy to take care of. Yet, he's demanding. And taking care of both of them is tough! I can't imagine how I'd hold it all together if I had another child. But everytime I see a little baby, I start planning the decor of the newest nursery in our house. And start thinking about where all my maternity clothes are. And I imagine what my third child would like like. If it would be a boy - which I'd be so happy to have - or a girl - which I'd also love to have.

But then... my son will cough in his sleep, causing me to worry and start thinking terrible things and calling the Doctor first thing in the morning and taking him to get checked out and just thinking about the worry that comes with being a mom - I do not know if I can do it all over again. Because the worry is constant and seriously? Can I handle having another person to love and worry over? I don't know what the future holds for me - if my family is truly complete as a unit of 4 - or if we'll add another child down the road - but for now, I'm happy with my two boys and happy to ooh and aah over all the cuteness when I see other people's babies.

Seriously, though? Is there anything more amazing than holding a newborn? And taking in their little smell? Oh, my goodness... here I go again!

20 comments:

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

I went through a few years of wanting, yearning for a third child. My husband was admant that there would be no third child. And there won't be. I still get sad sometimes for what might have been but then I give my head a good shake and am thankful for the two kids I do have.

:)

I now love on other people's newborns and still get a full nights sleep! It's really the best of both worlds.

2 Little Irish Boys said...

OH!! I am so right there with ya! I love the stages my boys are in --but I would really love another. But, Cash is going through terrible 3's and it is soooo trying.
Cillian is an absolute dream and that makes me want another. I am enjoying him so very much!!
I want another, too!!

Chelle said...

Oh, sweetie, I love this post :) It's so hard to know if you were meant to have another...but if you are meant to? Then I have faith that it will happen.

PS--I had to giggle at parts of your post b/c that's why I am now in my 3rd trimester with #2 :) But I am pretty sure this will be it...I think ;)

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

Sounds like you've got the same itch that I have! DO IT! Have another one! We're planning to start trying at the end of this year!

Julie said...

I've got one, and one is what i will have. I never wanted children and when I finally decided I did, getting pregant was a huge challenge physically and emotioanlly. My little guy is perfect. I had a small moment of hesitation but just had to remember the 2 1/2 years of trying and decided I just couldn't handle it. And he has some many friends that are like sibblings to him, he'll never be lonely.

*jimaie.marie* said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean...my boys will be 6 & 3 in the next month here and I feel so proud and so happy to have them and I've been saying for the past year that I'm DONE so done and that I feel our family is complete. BUT then it seems like everyone around me is either getting pregnant or having their babies and a good chunk of them are boys and OH how i love baby boys :D So of course now I've been bitten by the baby bug...it just doens't make any sense for us to have another right now tho...I'm planning on going to school in the fall, money is tight, we don't have the space...but oh goodness. like I said, i know how you feel :D

MamaJoss said...

Aww...love this post...it's tough one to decided. 2 children is perfect, but what about 3? or 4? I hear you. We would like to have another when we move out of our townhouse...right now we simply don't have enough space for another little body :) Your boys are at a good age for you to have another ya know...then again...don't listen to me because I got preggers at 11 weeks post postpartum - ugh.

Christy said...

I love this post too! As I near the end of my second pregnancy I often think about whether this is it or not.

I come from a family of two children. Then a blended family of 4 children. I love family get togethers and love that I'm so close to all my siblings. If I think of taking one of them away, it just doesn't seem complete. I want to be surrounded by children and grandchildren when I'm older, so I think I want 4 kids!

But, my husband and I have agreed to take it one child at a time. LIke you, I'll have two boys and I know life is going to get hard so I'm sure I will be much like you and flip back and forth constantly.

Anna-b-bonkers said...

I could just cry!

I am so excited to hold our new baby but at the same time terrified!
I agree that two young kids are a handful. I am so busy and do not have things figured out yet with them.
We still struggle with routine and with bed time for Ethan.
I really don't know how I am going to manage with three, I am really scared and really excited.
I could laugh and cry all at once.

Kelly said...

We have two too. There will be another child one day either naturally or by adoption. We agreed on 3 before getting married but now we can't decide how to have the third. Everytime we see little babies I want another one and my husband really would like a boy.

Sometimes I think I'm crazy because two is hard enough but I think it's just the first year that is the hardest. As my girls get older they are easier to take care of.

Rebecca said...

Since my little sweetie girl is only 3 months old, I still get that infant time, she is such a doll! We always said we wanted 2, and now we have that. We feel complete, but even now, this close to her birth, I hate the thought of everything being the last. She's getting too big, too fast...

BeachMama said...

I would have another in a second, but Hubby is content with our family the way it is. And since, for us, we need medical intervention for children when I think of all I have to go through and all the anxiety that comes with it, I wonder if I am content. Then, I smell a newborn baby and my heart starts beating fast and the world starts spinning. I guess I can't say that I know we are done yet, only time will tell.

Just Janice said...

My husband really wants a third - and I'm pretty sure I want to too - I wonder if this yearning ever goes away?

Connie Weiss said...

I have wanted a third child for a long time now...but as my Irish Twins get old, they are becoming more demanding and I don't think I could put a baby into this mix right now.

And since I will be 39 this year....it just isn't going to happen.

Elaine A. said...

It's a hard decision, I know. But fortunately God made ours for us and here we are doing it again. I pray that you are able to get your answer as well because I know what it's like to have those feelings...

Loukia said...

Thanks for all your comments, everyone. I enjoyed reading them. I guess I'm not the only one who is on the fence about having another baby!

A Crafty Mom said...

I didn't find going to three that much harder than going from one to two. Two is hard, three is hard, I think anything more than one child is a juggling act. We weren't sure we wanted three, but now cannot imagine life any other way. Busy, yes, totally hectic, yes, too much worry and anxiety - YES!!! But still worth it :)

Loukia said...

Shannon, that's what I hear, that going from 2 to 3 is not that much harder... but going from 1 to 2 - that was tough! It's a total juggling act... one that I am just not that great at! You are blessed with your 3 darlings!

Catwoman said...

I flip flop multiple times a day. Many times, I know deep down in my heart that this is it.

But it makes me so, so very sad.

And yet, I've donated most of my maternity clothes now and the too-stained-to-sell-or-give-to-friends newborn clothes.

And now that Tiny Man has outgrown his baby swing and tubs, I'll be looking to sell those on eBay.

A part of me still hopes that a few years from now I'll be buying all that stuff again and cursing myself for having gotten rid of it.

And yet I know that probably won't happen.

So I mourn the babies I will never have the chance to have.

And yet, I feel so lucky that despite being a high-risk pregnancy, I was able to have my beautiful second baby.

Andrea said...

Hi! Thanks so much for the comment! Your family is beautiful as well!! :) I love looking over your blog. It motivates me since I have been in a blog funk for a while. Ideas are there, but I feel rushed and don't let it flow. I will keep checking back!

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