What does your past say about you? My past is full of great memories. I miss the days gone by, sometimes. I miss my school days the most.
I miss carefree days, skipping class, bathroom gossip sessions, making new friends, study sessions in the library that were really about catching a glimpse of the boy you were crushing on, and the playboy room.
I miss the days where I could actually sleep in on the weekends, the days of crop tops and mini skirts and wearing push-down socks. I miss ski trips, school assemblies, and after school activities. I miss my Tretorn running shoes and my Esprit and Benetton wardrobe, and thinking I was cool in my Stussy baseball hat.
I miss dances that took place on Friday nights that would leave you wondering what would happen come Monday morning when you saw him again. (Answer: Not much. Perhaps a nod in the hallway, perhaps a smile, but certainly nothing as extravagant as your overactive imagination thought up over the weekend. )
I miss the time I had to read, the time I had to do nothing, the time I had to play dominos and card games in the cafeteria when I should have been in class. I miss classes and teachers, too. I still remember my grade 9 English teacher, Mr. Wiley, who loved Dead Poets Society as much as I did and reminded me so much of Professor John Keating.
I miss my first car, the school parking lot, and the smoking section, where all the "cool kids" would hang out. I had some of the best conversations in between classes with friends because of the smoking section. I have no regrets, none.
I miss track and field, relay races, and gym class, even though I was so not sporty. I miss organizing fashion shows and Remembrance Day assemblies, and being in charge of the music, making the programs, and selling tickets.
I miss days that were free of stress, where time stood stood, when we were young, and could do... anything we wanted to. The world was our oyster. The world was ours.
Yes, life happens after high school, but those high school days? When we knew a lot, but not nearly enough? When our hearts weren't breaking every day from sad stories, when we didn't have the worries that come with parenthood? Or the bills to pay? When our part-time job and the money we earned went towards new tapes, CD's and concerts? Those were some damn good times. We were fearless.
So many firsts, so much freedom. The first day of school. A clean desk, and a new pencil case. The promise to make this year the best one yet. Exams. Essays. Study sessions. Yearbooks, and the comments we would write each other. It's all we had, those days before the Internet. Just a pen and our words with our phone number written down with promises to stay in touch over the summer.
Graduation day turned into prom night turned into a summer where we were too busy getting ready for university, and then, university... a whole other world of wonder, four amazing years with even more memories.
I'm 35 now, and can hardly believe it. Of course I'm okay with growing older; I feel sexier, I'm more sure of myself, I know what I want, and what I love. My childhood friends are still my very best friends today, and that makes me so happy.
The greatest and most wonderful part of my life happened well after my school days were behind me. Becoming a mom is my greatest accomplishment, and I love knowing that my boys will now experience all the amazing and sometimes heartbreaking things that will come with their school years.
I will be watching, from a distance, memories intact, with a smile.
"Carpe, carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary." John Keating, Dead Poets Society