I can see clearly now

One of the hardest decisions a mother has to make is whether or not to have another child. This is an issue I have struggled with for a long time, probably since my youngest, who is now two years old, was born.

Should I have a third child? Or not?

Being a parent is the greateset experiernce that life has to offer, and every single day, I count my blessings. My children amaze me. Every day, they say something, or do something, that melts me. I teach them, and at the same time, they teach me. Patience. Love. Understanding. Compassion.

When I hug them, I never want to let go. When they fall asleep at night, I don't want to leave their side. I want to watch them sleeping, hoping they are dreaming beautiful, happy dreams. I hate seeing them cry, I hate seeing them sad.

When my oldest son started kindergarten this year, it was very bittersweet. I cried. A lot. I was very emotional. I couldn't believe he had reached this milestone already!

At the same time, it felt amazing to have a child in school. It is amazing to see him grow, to see him starting to read, to see him writing his name, and to hear him telling me about his day. He is becoming independent, more confident, less shy. He speaks like an adult, and sometimes I can't believe the conversations we have. He is almost five years old. My baby.

My youngest son is almost fully potty-trained. He is almost out of the diaper stage. He runs to the bathroom on his own. His vocabulary is increasing steadily, everyday. He's now asking "why" ten hundred times a day, and I love it. I love his energy, his happiness, his smile.

My sister is about to have a baby, and she's asked to take the change table. At first, I was hesitant. But the more I thought about it, the more confident I felt that was a decision I was okay with. Starting to give away the baby gear is a good indication of whether or not you're going to have another baby.

I have two amazing, beautiful, smart, active little boys. They are my entire life. They have made me experience life on a whole other level. Every day is an adventure, every day I have stories to write in their journals.

Being pregnant and having a baby is incredible. And holding your new baby in your arms, well, nothing compares to that feeling, nothing. I think, as women, this feeling of wanting a baby will never fully go away, no matter how many children we have. Because that awesome feeling when your baby is first placed in your arms is magical.

But at the same time, there are things that I am not going to miss.

I'm not going to miss not sleeping for months on end.

I'm not really going to miss breastfeeding.

I'm not going to miss gaining all that weight, and struggling for months on end to lose it.

I'm not going to miss the tantrums. (Even though sometimes the tantrums are the funniest things ever - my goodness, can a two year old act or what!)

I'm not going to miss the huge diaper bag I have to carry with me everywhere I go.

Or the unexpected diaper explosions.

Or getting peed on.

Or the worry that comes with each new child, the worry when each child gets sick.

I'm not going to miss the lack of freedom that comes with being a mom to a new baby.

Does this make me selfish? I hope not.

My life is devoted to my children, always and forever. I am a mother first.

At the same time, I'm craving a bit more freedom. As my children get older, the easier it becomes to go out. The freedom is great. And just enjoying life, and each new stage that comes with it - that's what it's all about.

So I think I'm complete with my family. With my two children. What more could I ask for, really? No matter how many children you have, it's taking the time to enjoy the little things that make being a mom the greatest job on earth.