Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Mommy guilt

Mommy guilt. We all experience it. For some moms, like myself, it can be overwhelming at times.

I feel guilty when I'm out having a good time without my children. I refuse to go on any tropical vacation without my children - I can't imagine being somewhere sunny, lounging around a pool, without my kids there. If I saw other children having fun, and my kids weren't there? I'd break down in tears.

I have mommy guilt when I take my youngest son to the park without my oldest son. I feel like my other child is missing out on the fun, even though he may be having his own fun at a birthday party, or swimming, or whatever.

A few days ago, I took the boys to see the ice sculptures at Winterlude, even though I knew that after a full and fun day for our 4 year old - swimming lessons, lunch at his grandparent's house, and playing with his cousins all afternoon - going to see the ice sculptures at 4 p.m. was not the best idea, because he'd probably fall asleep in the car. And fall asleep he did. I felt so guilty that he didn't get a chance to see the ice sculptures!

Mommy guilt.

All the time.

In 4 years, I have only been apart from my children for a maximum of 24 hours. Twice. Twice, on a girls getaway weekend. Rather, a 24 hour getaway with girlfriends. A fun time, but at the same time? I felt guilty about leaving my children. Leaving my children in excellent hands, mind you, with their father, with my parents and inlaws, and with my grandparents.

And I worry! I worry that they'll miss me, that they'll cry for me, that they'll think I've abandoned them forever!

Sigh.

I really want to go to BlogHer this year. In fact, I am going. BlogHer is in New York City this August. In NEW YORK CITY! OH-MY-GOD-THE-SHOPPING-THE-CITY-TIMES-SQUARE-THE-SHOPPING-5TH-AVENUE! I haven't been to NYC in years... I love that city!

Most importantly - I'm going to get to meet some amazing people, some amazing bloggers, people I talk to everyday. Some I've met before, some I'll be meeting for the very first time. And I can't wait. I've also scored some amazing roomies, too.

I'll be gone for 2 nights. 3 Days. I need a serious pep talk, people. I need to hear that I am going to be okay without my kids for 2 nights. That we'll all get through it just fine. That my children will still love me and not be mad at me.

I need to be able to fall asleep at night and not think about how much I'm going to miss my boys for the two days I'll be away from them. I need to not feel so guilty about BlogHer.

Because it's totally going to be worth it, right?

I'm also blogging at Canada Moms Blog today... check it out!

27 comments:

@sandyel said...

You'll be ok. Or more importantly, your boys will be ok. The first time I left my son for more than one night was to go to Las Vegas with my husband and a bunch of friends. I did miss him, but he was in good hands with my mom and he was all smiles when we got back. You need to do something for you, and even though you miss them, you'll have an awesome time and when you come back their hugs will be extra special! I just went to Cuba with the girls for 4 nights and I really missed both of my babies, but they were fine! I talked to them on the phone everyday and they were so happy to see me (and I them!) when I got back. I'm also planning to go to Blogher...and I'll miss them, but we will all be ok. You can do it - and it doesn't make you a bad mommy! Good luck & maybe I'll see you there!

anya said...

Talk about Mommy guilt - I feel bad now because I have no guilt leaving my kids! But just so you don't think I'm a monster, I do miss them when they are gone. Sometimes anyways.
:)
Enjoy yourself!

Angryworkingmom said...

Try guilty over having travel and being away not for fun but to pay for the roof over their head. Yea I understand exactly what you mean. Although my kids love, love, love a weekend a grandma and grandads! It's great they have a blast while the hubs and I recharge..I miss them (which is great) and they are fired up to see us when we get back. We've only done it a couple of times but it's great. I do get a hey Mom why don't we make cupcakes and brownies everyday like Grandma??

Neena said...

I'll be there to support you! Blogher last year was my first time away from the kids. I honestly thought I'd be full of guilt, but I was too busy loving and enjoying all the amazing friends and fellowship!

For the Love of Naps - Sarah said...

It will be GREAT! NEW YORK CITY! YOU GO GIRL! --- but I do get it. However, I have been away from mine for little get aways with my husband and it is sooo good for a mother to have a break. But when I am away with my husband I have an easier time than when I am away without him. It is tough but soooo good!

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) said...

I'm going to Blogher too! And this will be the first time that I've ever been away from my daughter and the longest I've ever been away from my son. Although I'm really excited to go (and maybe meet you!) I'm actually a little worried about leaving my kids for so long. I don't know if it's mommy-guilt as much as being so far away from them.

I'm not really helping you out. Sorry. But at least you know another mom will be going through the same thing!

becca said...

I have the most guilty conscience ever about most things but NOT about leaving the kids. Sad, yes. Guilty, no. THEY need time with their daddy, their grandparents... YOU need time away. Time to refuel. Time to get to know yourself again. Time to not be thinking and talking about them. Don't get me wrong, as I said, I'm SAD when I'm not with my kids but I know how important it is for me to get away with my husband or with just one of the kids when the other is with daddy or grandparents. You'll be in great company at BlogHer. I'm sure most people will be missing their kids! But you can do it, and believe me, you'll appreciate them that much more when you get back home! And those hugs you'll get... will make it all worth it.

Chantal said...

your going to miss them and that is okay! You will enjoy it and you will be so happy you went!

Stephanie said...

YOU CAN DO IT!!

Although I'm with Anya: I now feel bad for not feeling guilty when I leave my son LOL... a little break does momma GOOOOD!

Jenn@ The Crazies said...

Oh you are going to be fine! I havent decided if I am going or not... Its not far for me but we are super busy this summer so we shall see... anyway... you are going to have a blast and the boys will be fine!

Lisa @ This Mommy Works said...

I am a working mother (as in I word outside of the home) so I know what mommy guilt is all about. It's hard. But I can say that you will be fine. If anything, the trip will be a good one for you. It is healthy to take time away for you to indulge in something you enjoy. The kids will miss you, but just think about how excited your reunion will be when you return :-)

Christine said...

I'm going too and though I'll miss them, I won't feel a moment's guilt. I won't because my boys deserve to have the quality time alone with their father, it's good for all of them and strengthens their bond. He loves them as much as I do. I'm also going away this weekend and then again for a week in June. When I come back they'll be so happy to see me and I them. You can do it! It's good for all of you.

Loukia said...

Thanks guys...
Lisa, I also work full-time outside of the home. Luckily, my family looks after my boys, and my oldest son is in JK now, mornings. It was not easy going back to work after my one year mat leave (and 6 months with my first-born) but it got easier with time.

Rebecca @ Playground Confidential said...

So now I have mom guilt about not feeling guilty about going to Blogher. Nah. It's a couple of days and the change of pace will be good for everyone -- you and them. They'll be fine, seriously. Have a blast.

Jessica said...

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I feel exactly the same way, all of the time. I've spent three days and two nights (in Vegas for my 30th with huz!) away from the kids and that was excruciating.

It'll be really good for all of you to spend this time apart! (I think?).

Looking forward to BlogHer!

hoobingfamilyadventures.com said...

I was just contemplating going on a work trip to Toronto or finding someone else to go in my place. I think I know that I will come to the conclusion to send someone else for the very reasons you bring up.

I do have it as a goal this year to spend two nights away from our baby girl. I think it will be good for my husband and I to get away, however I will have to plan far in advance to mentally prep myself for being away!

Random question, how does one get invited to BlogHer? Everyone seems to be talking about it!

Lady Mama said...

You will be absolutely fine I promise! I know what you mean - I am the worst for feeling guilt when it's totally unnecessary. I have a weekend trip planned for September with my friends and am already nervous about leaving my kids. It's normal to fear separation. But think how wonderful you'll feel having gone and had a fabulous time. These are the experiences that make us better moms. :)

Chrissy MacCEO said...

I hear you loud and clear! Mommy guilt gets us all! My hubby & I went to Philly for 24 hours this weekend and at times my stomach felt sick from missing the kids. As much as I needed/wanted the break, I felt guilty.

I am thinking about going to BlogHer too!!! I live just about 1 1/2 hours from NYC so really, no excuses here!! I'd LOVE to meet you!!

Do me a favori--I switched to WP this weekend and tons of my readers lost my feed. Can you go to my site and re-add me as a google friend or resubsrcibe? Not sure if you get my emails but those who get them have all been ok. Just double check for me please! Thanks!!

Lynn said...

I've heard that BlogHer is worth it and I'm sure you will have an amazing time...but I totally understand how you feel about leaving the kids. I'm the same way -- I've only been away from them overnight once and it drove me crazy. I'm almost happy I can't afford to go to BlogHer -- problem solved!

A Crafty Mom said...

I really think it will be great for both of you! It's a hard step to take but I think in the end it is always good for the entire family. And you'll have an amazing time too :)

beth said...

Being an older mom - I totally remember the guilty feelings leaving my child for some 'me' time. Talking about guilty parents, the mother and daughter in the new Disney movie, "Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars" both develop and grow into having healthy relationships with each other.

More later,
Beth

Sandy said...

I can really relate to this. I am overcome with guilt every time I walk out the door and leave for work, even though I am leaving Oscar with his daddy. Because I have to be away from him a few days a week for work, I can't bring myself to take any time for myself. I miss browsing the bookstore with a coffee instead of a stroller!

CaraBee said...

I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be hard, but you can and, more importantly, SHOULD do it. It will give your husband time to spend one on one with the boys and it will give you a much needed mommy break. I can't say you won't feel guilty, but you shouldn't. They will not resent you for leaving. Just focus on what a good time you're going to have!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I feel you! I just left the boys when we went to Mexico! I felt better, knowing they were home with Daddy, but it is hard! At the end of March, my hubs and I are going to Vegas, and that will be harder, because neither of us will be with them. Problem is? They don't seem to notice! They are having too much fun! Kids!

Shannon @ AnchorMommy said...

Wow. You ARE a good mom to have all that guilt! I felt guilty leaving my boy in the childcare area for an hour at the new gym we're going to because he cried his heart out. Now I'm totally fine because he's fine, and heck -- I need a little "me" time to be a good mommy. Even if it is on a treadmill. :-)

I say, have a TOTAL BLAST at BlogHer! You will see, learn and do so much in those few days! You deserve the time away to immerse yourself in the experience. I am so jealous you're going!

Laurie said...

BlogHer WILL be worth it, I promise! I too don't leave my kids very often. I've gone away overnight maybe 4 or 5 times in eight years. Once for a wedding, once for work and a couple of girls weekends. And BlogHer last year - which was definitely the best little sidetrip a mama could make. I am so counting down to New York this August!!

lz said...

Now I feel guilty because I can't wait to be away for 2 nights! Make it 3! Especially since they'll be with Joe.
I honestly don't think I've ever been away long enough to miss anyone. (Now watch, I'll be a blubbering mess at BlogHer :-)

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