The fabulous Jill from Scary Mommy is having a contest to find someone else who fits the descption of 'Scary Mommy'. What is a 'Scary Mommy', you ask? Well, according to Jill, it is the definition of the anti-perfect mommy. The mom who loves her children more than anything else in the entire universe, but well, lacks something called 'perfection.'
I'm one heck of a "Scary Mommy".
I woke up to the sound of two boys calling for me: "Mama! Mommy! Mommy! Mama!" I glance to my left, and my youngest son is looking at me with a big smile. I look up at the clock - 7 a.m. "Damn it," I uttered under my breath. Yet another day that I forgot to get up before the children to get things - and me - ready before our day begins. I pick up my baby, and go to his big brother's room, where I try to get them ready for the day ahead. I've grown accustomed to showering in 5 minutes while my baby plays with things like tampons and floss on the floor in my bathroom. And I tell myself, yet again, that one of these days, I'll become 'that mom' - the one who rises before her children, showers in peace, prepares breakfast, does a load of laundry and works out - all before her children get up. However, I know in my heart that's a very unlikely scenario. I'm just too tired!
I love my children more than anything else on earth, but I'm far from perfect. I swear in front of my children. I yell too much. I sometimes rely on the television to entertain my kids so I can finish the housework. I've left the house with a messy ponytail in my hair. I do things I'm not proud of, things that make me a 'Scary Mommy'.
While there is nothing I enjoy more than being with my children, I have been known to take the easy route many times to avoid total meltdowns when we're out in public. For instance, if we are in a toy store, and my boys are filling the cart with items they want to buy, I will generally buy them whatever their little hearts desire. Why? Not because we need another bulldozer or two or three in the house, but because if I say 'no', they will be heartbroken, they will love me less (at least for the time being) and they will cry. Or lay on the ground and scream and kick and yell. Or all of the above. To avoid this, I do what any 'not perfect' mom would do - I give in. And we all leave happy.
I have also been known to let my boys raid the 'junk food' drawer at home right before bedtime. If they want to eat Dunkaroos, so be it. Orange frosting and cookies as a snack before bedtime makes them happy, and I'm okay with that. No perfect mom would allow these types of snacks to even enter her house!
If I need a few more minute online, I will give my youngest son a chocolate pudding and let him eat it by himself. He's very independent, you know. And the mess? Oh, the mess! I bet no perfect mother has to deal with this type of high chair clean-up, right? But see... I'm no perfect mom. Chocolate pudding allows me time on the Internet!
My children are also very familiar with Starbucks. In fact, I can bet large sums of money that both my children were saying 'Starbucks' around the same time they learned how to say 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'. And sometimes, they'll even have a sip or two of my warm beverage. But often times, I'll buy them their own kid's hot chocolate. While other 'perfect' moms might think this is not a good idea, I love it - and so do they.
If we are out of town, a stop at Krispy Kreme is always in order, too. Who doesn't enjoy sinking their teeth into a warm donut? A donut that has too many grams of fat and too many calories to even mention here, but hey - I'm a 'Scary Mommy', remember? And I let my children indulge in food other 'perfect' moms try to avoid!
My children are also not the most well-behaved when out in public. I, as their mother, even let them to play 'bookstore' when we're in book stores... they have fun, even though they make a huge mess. Allowing them to do whatever they want makes things easier for me. I pick my battles. I have enough on my plate already!
And I always manage to snap a picture of one of my children when they're crying, instead of trying to console them, because there is nothing more cute than a picture of a crying baby who is getting a haircut! Unless, of course, you're a 'perfect mom', and therefore, would probably not even think of taking a picture like this.
I sometimes allow my children to do dangerous things, too, because I know they'll be really happy. Like the time we got really close to a construction site and I let my son sit on a huge bulldozer. Just look at that smile... something a 'perfect mom' wound never allow!
I have done some pretty incredible things since becoming a mom. I rarely say no, I am not good at sticking to the rules I try to enforce, I complain almost as much as my children, I hide the last chocolate so I can eat it, and I have let my boys go days without taking a bath. Sometimes, there is just not enough time in the day! The same pajamas might be worn two nights in a row. Nothing in the house of 'off-limits'. Except the alcohol cabinet.
There was a time where my oldest son refused to take a bath. We had to think of some really creative ways to get him into the tub - like letting him take a container of whipped cream into the bathtub with him. He did this for months. He would eat whipped cream, I would wash his hair. Then we moved on to food colouring, where he would take a bath in blue and green water. Hey - this 'Scary Mommy' has tried it all - and no matter how ridiculous it might sound to you, these things have worked for me.
And while other children's moms will always bring an extra change of clothes with them in case their children get really dirty, I let my little ones run around with candy apple stains all over them.
I let my boys help in the grocery store, too. Which means letting them loose in the fruit and vegetable aisle, where they always manage to pull the plastic bags out a bit too much...
I also let my children sit and play in the kitchen sink. Sometimes, I'll even feed them while they're playing in the sink. As a distraction. And it works.
I'm a 'Scary Mommy' - a mommy who loves her boys so much it is actually... well, scary. And all these little things I don't do perfectly? I do them with love. I'd rather be a 'Scary Mommy', anyway.