Why I don't cook: reason number 99

I was home early today, and decided I should cook dinner.

For once.

You know, so I can feel more 'domesticated'.

Most days, I pick up the boys from either my parents house or my inlaws house after work, around 5 p.m. At which point, the boys are starving, and dinner has already been cooked.

But today, since I was home, I thought I'd make chicken and potatoes in the oven. I asked for some help from my Twitter friends, and they reached out to me, offering me advice and suggestions.

Then my husband came home, and, having read my tweets, said:

"Please don't cook. I don't want the kitchen to become a disaster."

Hey - I'm not going to argue with that.

So, we took the boys to the grocery store, and bought the ingredients for spaghetti and meatsauce, as per Christos's request.

Had I still wanted to cook dinner, however, let me tell you the obstacles in the way. (That took place before my husband came home to tell me that I did not, in fact, have to cook.)

But really, someone please explain to me how a mom of two children (or more) can manage to cook dinner if she gets home in the afternoon to two kids, if no one else is home to help out? IMPOSSIBLE, that's what I have to say!

So, here were my obstacles:

"Mommy, come here."

"Christos, don't grab that out of Dimitry's hands - he was playing with it first."

"Dimitry? Dimitry? OMG, Dimitry, how did you make it up that far already? Come back down...oh... you did a poopoo... let's go change you. Christos, I'll be right back!"


"Dimitry, stop moving. Stop moving. Stop. I just want to change your diaper without getting poo all over me!"

"Dimitry look at this, look at this, here's my watch, do you want some chocolate?"


"Okay, Dimitry, let's go to mommy's room, so I can finally change out of my work clothes. Mommy can't keep spending 66 dollars a week getting her pants dry cleaned because of your gooey fingers, you know!"


"Dimitry? Dimitry? Where are you? OMG... come back here, those are stairs you know! STAIRS are dangerous!"

"Dimitry? Dimitry? Where did you go now? Oh! Cute... you're hiding in my closet!"

"Christos, please don't empty those chocolates in the garbage, they are still good."

"Dimitry, let's go wash your hands, you have chocolate all over them."

"No, Dimitry, we don't put our hands IN the toilet..."

"Christos, you can't eat a cupcake now..."

"OH, look at the mess! Let's vacuum. Oh, now you're eating one too, Dimitry?"

"Here's your water, Christos. Here's your water, Dimitry."

"Hey - I have a great idea! Let's organize the toys in the famiily room!"

"Of course I'll play trucks with you, sweetheart! Here Dimitry, you play, too..."

And so, as you can see, it just wouldn't have worked out. Just how was I suppose to peel, prepare, and cook potatoes and chicken in the oven with all that going on?

And that was just the condensed version!
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Lady Mama said...

Haha! I don't blame you for not doing dinner. I used to prepare really nice meals, now all I can manage are things that take 30 minutes and can be thrown together in 1 pot. Plus, your hubby cooks? That is great! I'm a tad jealous.

joeyandaleethea said...

That's hilarious!! And SO true. My monster kiddos are 3yrs and 1yr, and that blog post is the story of my life everyday!! Crazy, isn't it? But somehow so awesome. :D

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

So much like my house. Then tonight? My hubs said from the sun room, "Asher, go see mommy" as I was making dinner..grr. {okay, I was making taco meat, pretty complicated!}

Crystall said...

Hey, that sounds familiar. If the issue isn't with one child, it's the other two....if not the other two, all three. It can be a bit much, I know. What I can't stand is coming up with new ideas for dinners. Gag! And, no dinners that require too much work!

Maria @BOREDmommy said...

With zero help, you get very creative in how to wrangle little people. I took full advantage of all the gear. Baby gates to trap the older of the two into a safe area for him to play, while the younger one amused herself in her high chair. Not much of a secret, but it worked for me when they were younger. Now they know not to come anywhere near me when I'm cooking because of the stove, and if they want into the kitchen they must be seated at the table doing a craft or whatever. But then, I've had almost 3 years of practice wrangling two little people completely on my own. You get very good at it, so when people are around to help, its just a bonus!!

ModernMom said...

Crock pot baby!
My other tool...distraction. Got to keep those kids glued to something else..of course I also have the pizza guys number memorized so what do I know?

Danielle said...

Look... Gwyneth Paltrow can do it with two kids... why can't you??


Oh yeah... nannies... staff... nevermind. :)

jennifer said...

I can relate--I believe the reasons you described are why someone created the slow cooker. It's saved me on many occasions!

Ms. Porter said...

Cute post! I have to warn you that while certain things change as the kids get older, the distractions are still there...in some ways it does get easier but in others not so much.

My kids love to 'help' me cook so that's how I used to get it all done. Let them wash the potatoes in the sink while you quickly peel what you need type thing.....or call for take out!

CailinMarie said...

too cute! that is why we live off yogurt and toast! my husband so says "don't mess up the kitchen" all the time too. makes me mad. I'm a good cook!

daddybookins said...

Oh Dear God your poor girl! This is why we have take out! (Sushi, Italian, Vietnamese, Mexican all the places know us.)
I could only handle lil boo, no more. The mrs. and I switch...like tag team wrestling, it's the only way. Hectic lifestyles = Mayhem Madness!
Good luck and thanks for the laugh! (with you not at you of course)
~daddy b

Chelle said...

You always crack me up! Probably because I can totally relate...and Madelyn isn't even born yet!

Scattered Mom said...

Don't mess up the kitchen? That's what a kitchen is for! Saying that is like taking a kid to a water park and saying, "Don't get wet, honey."

I LOVE to cook and would just love to see Hubs TRY and stop me. :P

There's a few ways to get something fast and easy done-first, prep stuff the night before or ahead of time (peel the potatoes and have them cut up, soaking in cold water in the fridge). Plus a crock pot is good too. Don't try to make anything fancy, just stick to what you know. As for the kids, sometimes I'd plunk Jake in front of the TV while I got the chicken in the oven. Hey, it works!

Debbie said...

Yep, crockpots rock. And the smell when you walk in the door after a day at the office is heavenly.

Friday night pizza delivery is our treat every week.

I can relate, my boys being 2 & 4. One eye on the knife, one eye on them. :)

BeachMama said...

Some days I wish I didn't have to cook, but alas 'tis not my fate and I do it every day. And every day I have a little girl crying or screaming because I am not paying attention to her while I cook. Dinner time is stressful, but really we can't eat out every day - I'd have to go back to work to afford it.

Shana said...

cooking is SO overrated anyways!!!

EatPlayLove said...

I do enjoy cooking, but for some reason my husband always wants to chat me up right when I'm in the middle of cooking. It drives me crazy and I always let it ring through to the voicemail.

Have you tried a movie for a distraction for the boys while trying to get things done or letting them help. Okay nevermind on that one.

I am Harriet said...

Good for you!
Great post.
Stopping by via the blog hop to say hello!

Diva Ma @ Mommy Fabulous said...

OMG that's funny. Girl, when you're a momma! This is your life. All of our lives. You just deal with the distractions and make it happen. You're blessed to have a husband that's understanding and COOKS. As an army spouse I don't always have that luxury.

Shannon @ AnchorMommy said...

Hahaha! Girl, you always say you're not a cook -- it's just because you have all that chaos going on! I doubt I could cook with two little boys. I just have one, and I rely heavily on concert DVDs to keep him entertained while I'm in the kitchen. I'm a cheater. ;-)