So I have this little problem. I have a very difficult time saying 'no' to my children.
And an even bigger problem I have is when my husband tries to discipline our children (by saying no) and I step in and say something like, 'it's okay, he can continue drawing on the table/throwing food across the room/yelling at the top of his lungs because I just hate when my children get upset! I know it is wrong to go against what the other parent is saying to the child - I know it is wrong, yet I continue to do this on a daily basis.
Example:
Husband: Son, come to the kitchen table to eat your breakfast, please.
Me: No, it's okay, he can eat in the family room because he is playing so nicely.
SIGH.
This is very wrong, right?
Or:
Husband: Son, it is time for bed. I'll read you a book - which one do you want me to read to you?
Me: Why don't you read him these 5 books? I know he loves these!
SIGH.
What is wrong with me?
When we are at my inlaws, my baby loves throwing their phones and remote control on the floor and laughing to get a reaction. They don't love it when he does this. They tell him very nicely, 'No'. What do I do? Well, I see that he is upset and so I hand him the phones/remote control again. And what does he do? Throws them on the floor again. Oopsie! My bad... seriously! I try to say no, and if I sense that my children are getting upset, I give in. Time after time.
So my question is: how do you say no to your child(ren)? And do you feel bad doing it? Do you go against what your husband says when he is talking to the children? If you disagree with something your husband has said to your child(ren), do you wait until the two of you are alone to talk about it? Or do you talk about it in front of the kids?
I know I have to be more firm with my boys. I just need to figure out a way to do it that won't make me feel like I'm being a bad mom! I also know they need a few more rules in their lives because, otherwise, they're in for a rude awakening when they go to school!
And an even bigger problem I have is when my husband tries to discipline our children (by saying no) and I step in and say something like, 'it's okay, he can continue drawing on the table/throwing food across the room/yelling at the top of his lungs because I just hate when my children get upset! I know it is wrong to go against what the other parent is saying to the child - I know it is wrong, yet I continue to do this on a daily basis.
Example:
Husband: Son, come to the kitchen table to eat your breakfast, please.
Me: No, it's okay, he can eat in the family room because he is playing so nicely.
SIGH.
This is very wrong, right?
Or:
Husband: Son, it is time for bed. I'll read you a book - which one do you want me to read to you?
Me: Why don't you read him these 5 books? I know he loves these!
SIGH.
What is wrong with me?
When we are at my inlaws, my baby loves throwing their phones and remote control on the floor and laughing to get a reaction. They don't love it when he does this. They tell him very nicely, 'No'. What do I do? Well, I see that he is upset and so I hand him the phones/remote control again. And what does he do? Throws them on the floor again. Oopsie! My bad... seriously! I try to say no, and if I sense that my children are getting upset, I give in. Time after time.
So my question is: how do you say no to your child(ren)? And do you feel bad doing it? Do you go against what your husband says when he is talking to the children? If you disagree with something your husband has said to your child(ren), do you wait until the two of you are alone to talk about it? Or do you talk about it in front of the kids?
I know I have to be more firm with my boys. I just need to figure out a way to do it that won't make me feel like I'm being a bad mom! I also know they need a few more rules in their lives because, otherwise, they're in for a rude awakening when they go to school!
Comments
Because I'm the softie, too! Except if she bites me. Or hits me. Then I'm not the softie. But she seriously looks at me if my husband tries to tell her no or to do something and I tell her...it's okay, etc...
So bad! But I think we'll eventually get the hang of it...right?
Re: your hubby, that's something you two will have to hash out. Good luck!
I am considering buying these audio lessons to help deal with my son. I bought one to do potty training and it was great! I listened to the free audio lesson and it sounds good.
Good luck! Check it out, he addresses saying no even in the free lesson - just touches on it!
I know I have to 'toughen up'... I'll keep you all updated on my progress!
I think there's a difference between saying 'no' just because you feel you should and saying 'no' because it's the right thing to do to teach them not to hurt themselves/manners/how to play nicely etc.
Don't feel guilty! If it's 'kids being kids' (loud laughing/happy screams etc) then gentle is best anyway. But some stuff has to be no. Obviously, you know that, that's why you're posting this! ;)
Seriously, they'll very likely forget what happened within 5 minutes. Just be firm. For the record, I'm a softie too. But -- we've also had episodes where one of our children has missed her t-ball practice because she wouldn't eat her oranges. Once we said that she had to eat them or she couldn't go, we had to follow through.
Good luck :)
You know, I start off by saying 'no' but then I always end up giving in. So not good!