The post I can now safely write...

Now that I'm back from BlogHer in New York City, I can safely write this post.

I hate flying. I fly all the time, but no matter how many times I get on the plane, I don't feel relaxed until we have safely landed.

Of course, I have my share of "OMG, we totally almost crashed!" stories, like near-death landings. (I'm only slightly exaggerating here.)

I hate turbulance. Even though I have been told time and time again that it is safe, it just doesn't feel right when the plane you are on thousands of feet in the air shakes, drops, and goes through 'bumpy' patches. What the hell is a bumpy patch in the sky? Don't tell me. It still won't make sense to me.

Also? No matter what food is served on the plane, I will eat it all. I eat everything that is presented to me, even if it's gross and unidentifiable, because I know I will need my energy to tread water for hours until I am rescued. In case, you know, we drop from the sky and land in the ocean. I am a master swimmer and I can tread water for over an hour. I practice all the time, just in case.

When I was coming home from a vacation in Greece the year I graduated high school, I had a layover at Heathrow. While there, I bumped into a classmate who was returning from Scotland. We were on the same flight back to Ottawa. Then we bumped into another friend, who was coming home from Portugal. What a coincidence! We were all going to be on the same flight home! Shit.

I tried to keep the conversation light, but all I could see was the headline in the papers the following day:

Three students from the same graduating class perished on flight 147 from London to Ottawa.

I spent years working in television and radio, and I'm a news junkie. I see a good headline a mile away. I was not okay with being on the same flight as my two friends.

Of course, our plane didn't crash. But it was a very uncomfortable 6 hours.

Last week, I travelled to New York City on the same plane as quite a few other bloggers.

Tell me these headlines weren't just screaming to be written!

Plane of bloggers heading to BlogHer crashes.

BlogHer still going on despite the loss of several members of its community.

'I should have taken more than one Ativan!' were the last words heard before the crash.

Argh. With each mysterious bump, I held on for dear life. Of course, it didn't help that this was the very first plane ride I had taken without my children. What kind of a mother was I? Then I took my first Ativan and things got a lot better.

I walked by Sharon, and gave her a huge smile. "I'm feeling so good right now, Sharon," I said.

With a nod and a knowing smile, she said: "Isn't it great? You go from thinking: OH MY GOD! I'M GOING TO DIE! to: I may die..."

Needless to say, we landed safely. And my fear, once I returned back to Canada, subsided yet again.

Until the next flight.

Perhaps now that I have written this post, I should fly solo to San Diego for BlogHer'11?
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sarah said...

OMG, I hate flying! I wasn't at BlogHer this year, but flew at the same time and we had an awful experience. I am going to need a prescription for Atavan for my next flight.

Jen said...

I don't hate flying. I've done it quite a bit...I hate the landing though, very sensitive ears... We'll need Atavan in the Winter though, we're leaving for Florida Christmas Day and DH has never been on a plane...ever. He still says he isn't going but... Mama's not taking the kids alone!

Anonymous said...

oh dear lord Im the same way. When we fly to puerto Rico ....4 hrs over the ocean and bermuda triangle....ugh ....Im shaking thinking about it

MommyLovesStilettos said...

I'm the same way! I am so totally nervous and scared when I fly!

Amanda said...

"I eat everything that is presented to me, even if it's gross and unidentifiable, because I know I will need my energy to tread water for hours until I am rescued." OMG that made me spit my coffee out laughing! I don't *love* flying, but I'm not at the point of needing medication yet. Mind you, I haven't been on a plane since I've had kids...

Avitable said...

I always wonder about turbulence. If that's a pocket of air that the plane can't fly on, what happens if it's a really huge fucking pocket that goes all the way down to the ground? Why the hell am I thousands of feet in the air in a giant METAL contraption? But then I imagine how totally awesome my funeral would be and I'm okay.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I love flying! Except the long part after take off! I for sure say fly SOLO next year!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh I know.... I used to travel a lot for work and I became immune to turbulence fear for a while. Then I had one of "those" bad experiences and it ruined me. The worst was when I was pregnant. I would have all kinds of fear fantasies about flying (even when I wasn't going anywhere). That and aliens - but I guess that's pregnancy for you.

BusyDad said...

I have the same irrational fear. If I happen to be falling asleep and we hit even ONE patch of turbulence, I'm up the rest of the ride. You cracked me up about the airplane food. Never thought of it that way. Next time I WILL eat that jello-y pink mystery dessert, because it might just save my life!

Chrissy MacCEO said...

I haven't flown since my son was 2, and I flew alone from NY to Chicago for a work convention. I was a MESS. Now, my husband & I are thinking of flying ALONE without our kids to get away for a few days and I just can't do it. I can't. And everyone tells me that it's safer to fly than it is to drive, but I just don't care. I don't know if I can get into a plane without my kids. Let alone with them--I am such a baby when it comes to flying.

CaraBee said...

I spent most of my 20s deathly afraid of flying. Like white knuckle, nausea, nearly crying afraid. And for someone that flies quite a bit, that's not a good thing. Not sure what happened, but around my 30th birthday it sort of went away. Thankfully. I still don't love flying but I don't see a fiery crash in my head the whole time I'm in the air anymore.

ModernMom said...

Okay my friend...where can I get myself some of this Ativan?? Ever since I had kids I have become the worst flyer!
My best trick is to read the scariest book I can get my hands on so I don't think about the fact that we are WAY to high up in the air.
Glad you made it through:)

CalgaryDaddy said...

lol... I just hate the take off and landing. I am not sure about the physics of it is it even possible?


Jill said...

I always have this inane fear when I fly w/o my kids - which actually isn't very often, but I remember them vividly.

Sandra said...

~laughing~ So jealous that you were at BlogHer though!!!! I feel like the only kid on the block without a shiny new bike! Ugh!

Shannon @ AnchorMommy said...

You survived! Flying doesn't really freak me out, thank goodness. Except for flying on little planes. Now THAT is scary!