It has now been 8 weeks that I have been smoke-free. Believe it or not, I forgot the actual day, and instead, I count in weeks. 8 weeks. Not bad.
On August 20th, I wrote a post, an honest post, about quitting smoking. I had quit, but like often is the case when people try to give up smoking, something happens, and we start smoking again. For me, I was away for the weekend, and after a glass of wine with my friend, I decided to have a cigarette. I love love love smoking with I'm having wine. They go hand in hand, in my opinion. And of course, after that one cigarette, came another... and another... to the point where I was pretty much a smoker again. (And by smoker, I mean I would have 6 a day.)
Another failed attempt at quitting smoking. It was never going to end.
Only recently - 8 weeks ago - I stopped cold turkey again. I hated myself for smoking. Because of how bad it was for my health. And especially because I am a mother of two young children - how could I be so selfish? They are the main reason I'm still not smoking. I have to be strong for them. And it is so hard. I miss it so much.
It's hard everyday on my drive to work to not want a cigarette. It's harder even after I have my hot drink from Starbucks in my hand, as I pass the smokers outside my building downtown. I miss taking smoke breaks with my coffee, chatting with friends over a cigarette. I miss the token 'after-lunch' cigarette, the 'after-dinner' cigarette, even the 'after-sex' cigarette. I miss smoking with friends, I miss drinking wine with a cigarette... I miss it totally.
Don't ask me exactly what it is I miss about it - I can't specifically tell you what it is. I think if you used to be a smoker, you understand this. It's like losing a friend. A very close friend, a friend you've known for years. It's a comfort thing. Something to do when you're bored, scared, worried, happy, mad. And it has been a huge part of my adult life. I started smoking when I was 17. (Or around that age.)
I smoked for most of my University years. And so on. Of course, I quit both times I was pregnant and breastfeeding, but it was all too easy to pick it up again, when I went out with friends. And boy, did I ever love it... I still do. I wish it wasn't bad for my health.
Since being a 'non-smoker', or an 'ex-smoker', I do feel better. Physically. I don't wake up feeling sore in the chest. I can breath a little better. I certainly smell better. Downside? I started eating more. Because I didn't what else to do with myself when I was at work and taking a break! And now with the holidays upon us, I'm dieting - yeah, I know, great timing, right? (Bonus: I've lost 6 pounds in one week, doing a low-carb diet!) So remaining a non-smoker is going to be even harder now.
I'm trying to stay strong, and I want it to work this time. I don't want to get into the habit again. I want to be a non-smoker for life. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But I think this time around, it will finally work!
P.S. I'm up for a a few Canadian Blog Awards, and I'd love to make it to the top ten in the Family category - if you feel like it, you can vote here once day! Thank you!