Thoughts on a Tuesday

The other day, Christos was looking through a box of old computer parts. He picked a part up, and I asked him if it was the motherboard.

He sighed. "No, mommy. It is not." Then he proceeded to empty the box, talking to himself.

"This is the fan, this is the DVDV player..." until he got to what he wanted to show me. (Yes, he does say DVDV!)

"Look mommy! This is the motherboard!"

I am amazed at my child, newly 4 years old. Everyday, he amazes me with the things he says, and with what he knows. We have real conversations now. About everything. He makes jokes. He has an amazing sense of humour. He understand everything. He is a thinker, my child. And very sensitive. He is always watching out for his baby brother. "Where is Dimitry?" he'll ask if he doesn't see him right away in the morning.

"Carry me," he asked the other day as we were leaving the park. "Christaki, you're a big boy, and you're heavy. Just walk." I told him.

"But I like it so much in my mommy's arms" he said to me.

I melted.

He's starting school in a couple of weeks, and of course, I'm still full of anxiety about this. My little baby boy.

The first day he goes to school just happens to be my birthday. Oh, yes. A memorable day for sure. We meet his teacher that day. And I hope I get a good feeling from her. I hope she is kind. And I hope my son likes her.

He is shy around new people. My son has some anxiety, like me. I wish I could take it away, but I don't know how. Perhaps he has this because it is just genetic, and perhaps it's because of the time he has spent in the hospital. Maybe it's a combination of both.

I wonder how he'll do in those first few days? Will he be terrified at the idea of me leaving him at school, to fend for himself? Yes, he can put his shoes on and off, he can go to the bathroom alone, he can ask for a glass of water if he is thirsty. But will he be able to tell his teacher he wants some water? What if they're not allowed to drink anything until snack time? What if another child is mean to him? What if he cries? What if he is scared? And my biggest fear - what if he is bored?

His favourite show on TV is How It's Made on Discovery Channel. He just wants to be learning, all the time. He wants to talk about how a man landed on the moon, about how cement is made, about the planets, and he wants to read. He tries now, with his books. Pronouncing the words, repeating the letters.

Maybe school will be the best thing for him. I really do think he will love it. I know it will be hard to adjust to the new routine at first, and I'm sure this is not going to be last time I talk about this. I am confident that he will do great, regardless of the tears we'll both cry on his first day.


I will not leave the parking lot on his first day of school. I will be in my car, crying. Not able to leave. It's going to be a big step for both of us. I'm sure all moms go through this, on some level, the first time they take their child to school.

I have sheltered him, protected him, and cared for him every single day since he was born. Of course I have, I am his mother. I feel almost more protective of him than I do for Dimitry, because of what he has been through with his UTI's and pneumonia.

And everyone knows the second child is easier, because by the time baby number two is born, you're a pro at the whole mommy thing. You don't worry over every little thing, you know? Dimitry's personality is different than Christos's - he is more outgoing, and is very social. With everybody. I think Dimitry will have an easier time starting school, so I am putting him into playgroup a few mornings a week this fall.

And leaving him alone. With Christos, either my mom or I would stay with him in playgroup, when he went. I'm going to try to 'hover' less with Dimitry. In fact, I already do. It's just hard, sometimes, because they grow up so fast, you know? And all I want to do is protect them forever.
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24 comments: said...

Boys are just the best. I love the connection between mother and son.

Good luck on the very first day. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he leaves school that first day...LOVING IT!!!

Jen said...

It sounds like your little guy is going to love school! And it sounds like it's going to be harder on you than it is on him:(

I still can't believe my daughter is going into Grade 1! She'll be gone all day, every day:(

I'll definitely be thinking about you on the 10th and hopng that you eventually make it out of the parking lot;)

Chandra said...

He sounds so much like my 7 yr old it's not even funny. As a toddler, we would buy him toys and he would spend HOURS examining the package memorizing every single detail there was. He LOVEs the Discovery channel (Dirty Jobs is his favorite) and could spend hours watching Animal Planet.

The hardest thing was sending him off to preschool. I cried. It was only 3 days a week for 3 hrs each day. Then Kindergarden. I cried. ALOT. IT was ALL day in the world would he make it all day without a nap, a know what? He did just fine. It's ALWAYS harder on Mommy for sure!

Good luck..things will be perfect you'll see!

Jane @ Decormamma said...

It is sooo emotional isn't it? Sending our kids to into the cruel harsh world, without us to protect them! I just sent mine off this morning, but they love school and learning and friends. It's what they need and that makes me happy! Your little boy will do great!

Chantal said...

It is such an emotional time. I know exactly what you mean. Take Care.

Managed Chaos said...

You are both stronger than you think and I believe the first day will go wonderfully smoothly for you both. Think of it as the next step in his educational journey vs. you losing your little boy to school. I pray that your day is full of smiles vs. tears.

Krystyn said...

Oh, he's going to totally love school! Don't you even worry!

He sounds like such the momma's boy...melts your heart!

Scattered Mom said...

I think those feelings are what pushed me to do a "Back to School" celebration thing with Jake. On the first day of kindergarten, when I picked him up, we went out for ice cream. It gave us both something to look forward to.

Jake was SO ready to go though, and he was just dying to learn that it was good for him. He was exposed to new things that I may have never thought of, and surprised me every day when he came home. (by the way he STILL loves How it's Made, Dirty Jobs, and Mythbusters)

I'm actually approaching the other end-there's only three years to go until he graduates, and I'm SO NOT ready for that.

Theta Mom said...

The love we have for our children is so unconditional, and you expressed that here. School will become routine in your lives and he will end up loving it, especially when he makes a ton of new friends! :)

Jessica said...

I pretty much second everything everyone else is saying, except I think you should have your mom with you in the car... so you can drink ;)

CaraBee said...

It's hard not to feel overprotective, but kids are pretty amazing little creatures, they find their way. I am sure he will do great on his first day of school!

Mommy Lisa said...

I am sorry - you have to stop making me cry. ;) Boo Boo La La is three and a half and starts school after (US Holiday) Labor Day. sigh.

Anti-Supermom said...

Just like everyone has been telling me, you will get through it. I *know* I will, but it's just writing it out makes me feel better - like I can stop letting scenarios play in my head.

What a sweet, lovely post. Your son will love to read this when his is older.

Aren't you happy you blog?!

Lady Mama said...

He sounds like a very bright little boy and with his passion for knowledge I think he'll love school.

At the same time I get how hard it will be to leave him at the gates. On the bright side the hard bit may only last one day.

Elaine A. said...

You just have to have faith that things will go well for him and that he will adjust well. I know it's hard, trust me. We are still getting used to the new routine and drop off is still hard. I didn't cry very much on the first day but for some reason this morning?? The water works started after I dropped him off and watched him walk away from the car. It's hard at first but you will both be fine eventually. Many hugs friend!!

Anonymous said...

I don't plan to let mine move out. Ever. I plan to hover for the rest of their natural born lives! I hope that's okay with them :o)

ModernMom said...

The only way to get through that first day of school is dark sunglasses my friend. Don;t forget to wear shades. :)

Nap Warden said...

Same boat...Miss Peach is starting preschool in a couple weeks. I know she's ready...the question I?

JennyMac said...

Ahhhh....too cute. I have a little man too. So sweet.

Babito's Dad said...

I dread Babito's first day at school. We still have a few years to get ready. He's shy too, so I bet it'll be quite an adjustment for him. But like your son, he loves to learn new things, so I'm confident he'll end up loving school.

jen c. smith said...

i went through this last year with my twins at 3 1/2 - and was surprisingly pregnant (very unplanned) which made it easier to leave them at the door because i thought at least i get to do this again. it's hard - but when you pick him up from school and he is just beaming to show you what art project he made and when he starts listing off the new friends he's made -- your heart will melt!
(and btw, i LOVE his name!)

Shannon @ AnchorMommy said...

Good luck doubt it's going to be a tough day for you!!! But judging by how much he loves to learn, I think you're right. School is going to be great for him, and he is going to LOVE it. You have a very smart and sweet boy. ;-)

Ms. Porter said...

It's so hard, I'm not going to lie...hard on the Mamas!!! All the kids seem to do it, and it's amazing how the little ones like school so much once they get used to things.

I am having a tough time because my oldest is starting grade one and my baby JK. My oldest will be gone all day from me. I will miss her so much.

Lindsay said...

Christos sounds just like my son! He loves school now, didn't at first but he was only 3 when he started. Last year at 4 he loved it and this year he is all excited to go full time. I think Christos will love it. :)