The other day, Christos was looking through a box of old computer parts. He picked a part up, and I asked him if it was the motherboard.
He sighed. "No, mommy. It is not." Then he proceeded to empty the box, talking to himself.
"This is the fan, this is the DVDV player..." until he got to what he wanted to show me. (Yes, he does say DVDV!)
"Look mommy! This is the motherboard!"
I am amazed at my child, newly 4 years old. Everyday, he amazes me with the things he says, and with what he knows. We have real conversations now. About everything. He makes jokes. He has an amazing sense of humour. He understand everything. He is a thinker, my child. And very sensitive. He is always watching out for his baby brother. "Where is Dimitry?" he'll ask if he doesn't see him right away in the morning.
"Carry me," he asked the other day as we were leaving the park. "Christaki, you're a big boy, and you're heavy. Just walk." I told him.
"But I like it so much in my mommy's arms" he said to me.
He's starting school in a couple of weeks, and of course, I'm still full of anxiety about this. My little baby boy.
The first day he goes to school just happens to be my birthday. Oh, yes. A memorable day for sure. We meet his teacher that day. And I hope I get a good feeling from her. I hope she is kind. And I hope my son likes her.
He is shy around new people. My son has some anxiety, like me. I wish I could take it away, but I don't know how. Perhaps he has this because it is just genetic, and perhaps it's because of the time he has spent in the hospital. Maybe it's a combination of both.
I wonder how he'll do in those first few days? Will he be terrified at the idea of me leaving him at school, to fend for himself? Yes, he can put his shoes on and off, he can go to the bathroom alone, he can ask for a glass of water if he is thirsty. But will he be able to tell his teacher he wants some water? What if they're not allowed to drink anything until snack time? What if another child is mean to him? What if he cries? What if he is scared? And my biggest fear - what if he is bored?
His favourite show on TV is How It's Made on Discovery Channel. He just wants to be learning, all the time. He wants to talk about how a man landed on the moon, about how cement is made, about the planets, and he wants to read. He tries now, with his books. Pronouncing the words, repeating the letters.
Maybe school will be the best thing for him. I really do think he will love it. I know it will be hard to adjust to the new routine at first, and I'm sure this is not going to be last time I talk about this. I am confident that he will do great, regardless of the tears we'll both cry on his first day.
I will not leave the parking lot on his first day of school. I will be in my car, crying. Not able to leave. It's going to be a big step for both of us. I'm sure all moms go through this, on some level, the first time they take their child to school.
I have sheltered him, protected him, and cared for him every single day since he was born. Of course I have, I am his mother. I feel almost more protective of him than I do for Dimitry, because of what he has been through with his UTI's and pneumonia.
And everyone knows the second child is easier, because by the time baby number two is born, you're a pro at the whole mommy thing. You don't worry over every little thing, you know? Dimitry's personality is different than Christos's - he is more outgoing, and is very social. With everybody. I think Dimitry will have an easier time starting school, so I am putting him into playgroup a few mornings a week this fall.
And leaving him alone. With Christos, either my mom or I would stay with him in playgroup, when he went. I'm going to try to 'hover' less with Dimitry. In fact, I already do. It's just hard, sometimes, because they grow up so fast, you know? And all I want to do is protect them forever.